i haven't posted for such a long time. i am sorry. well, it's nothing really, i am just not into blogging these days. oh, by the way, my brother went back home. i won't say anything more. anyway, i don't have a cellphone today, which is in some way kinda weird, i am kinda like just testing myself if i could live without one. i just have to, i mean, imagine, i sleep with, go to the bathroom with, eat with my cellphone. gosh! i was actually amazed to find out that i could actually survive without it. but ofcourse i plan to buy myself another, one of these days. i want a 3650. i'd probably still keep my old number, but if ever i plan to change it, i'll let you all know po. (",)
i miss my baby sister yjhay so much. wala lang. i just miss her real bad. we don't get to talk much these past days eh. i hope she's always okay. oh by the way, do you know that she's a part time/kinda model? (",) the last job she did was to promote "barbie dolls" in justin timberlake and cristina aguilera's concert. tuwa lang sya, kasi may backstage pass na sya, nakanood ng concert ng libre, binayaran pa sya. disappointed lang daw sya kay justin, kasi ine-expect nya ang gwapo sa personal, eh hindi naman daw pala masyado. tapos si cristina naman daw is actually very pretty in person. ayon lang. natutuwa lang ako na natutuwa sya. (",)
nakwento ko na ba? na nag take ng board exam for nurses si chie last july, pasado na po sya. licensed na, wala lang natutuwa lang ako.(",) tapos ngayon she's a clinical instructor. kinuha sya nung dating school nya. nakakatuwa diba? wala lang, natutuwa lang ako sa mga kapatid kong magaganda. (",)
beauty and brains. well you know, it runs in the family. bawal kumontra, blog ko 'to. (",)
Guess who’s back? Yup! Me! *applause please.* Was I gone long? Well, I’m sorry, besides the fact that my pc's monitor was damaged, I was also busy trying to solve the problems of our world. Okay, so maybe that is implausible, I couldn’t even get to the bottom of my own freakin’ problems. The truth is I was just busy trying to clear up some unsolved issues in my head.
Anyway, how was everybody? Did anybody miss me? I know, that’s a pathetic thing to ask. I just couldn’t help it.
Anyway, have I all ever told you that I love my brother?
I love him.
Although sometimes, I just don’t understand him.
He is our youngest.
The only lad.
So I guess it’s understandable that among the four of us, most of the time, our parents favored him.
He was practically given everything he needed and wanted. Even before he knew he needed and wanted it. He was well provided. Is so loved.
Now, all of you reading this probably think I am jealous. I’ll be sincere, at some time, in a way I had been. But today, I’m just factual.
He had always been willful.
Always doing what pleases him, regardless of the consequences.
A month ago, he ran away from home. Bringing with him my parent’s car and leaving a $900 almost $1000 cell phone bill and a letter saying he wanted to try being independent.
I don’t understand.
Is he looking for independence or is he just being disobedient? What’s the difference? I doubt he even comprehend the extent of the meaning of the word.
I am angry.
How dare he!
How dare he be so selfish!
How dare he be so rebellious!
How dare he made my dad worry!
How dare he made my mom cry!
How dare he disappoint them!
How dare he broke their hearts!
How dare he!
Up to this day, he hasn’t come home yet. But we know he’s all right since he calls my cousins and aunties asking for loan and sleeping in their place every once in awhile. So much for him being independent! I don’t understand why he’s being so stubborn. I know he knows that he couldn’t make it on his own. Why doesn’t he just come home and spare my parents the misery he had put them through. What is he trying to prove? Well, whatever it is, I freakin’ hope he proves it. I hope he’ll learn the significance of the people who loves him and I freakin’ hope he’ll learn the value of money and the importance of family. He was so blessed. So loved. Why wasn’t he able to appreciate all that? If my parents ever had fault, it was to love him so much and give him all he wanted. Why oh why did he turn his back on all that. I don’t understand.
I think, this is one of his biggest most stupid mistake. But like every one else, he could one day blame it to immaturity. I just hope and pray that he doesn’t end up being one big stupid mistake.
I know of a love that is everlasting;
It never fades.
I know of a love that is universal;
It includes you.
I know of a love that is demonstrated;
It’s not just talk.
I know of a love that is giving;
It gave the very best it had.
I know of a love that is sacrificial;
It gave with no hope of return.
I know of a love that is gracious –
A love given to you and me when we didn’t deserve it.
I know of God’s love, the best love ever!
I was given three red roses last night, at exactly twelve midnight.
I’m not sure, was I suppose to be touch or shit like that?
I don’t know, I guess, even the sweetest of the deeds doesn’t count for much when the person who had done it, doesn’t really mean much to you.
Okay, I’m a bitch. So shoot me!
I had always thought that I am tough, because really, few things and even fewer people can touch me enough to make me want to cry. But when my dad had to leave, yet again, I cried like a freakin’ baby. Maybe because until now, try as I may, I have never really mastered the art of saying goodbye just yet. But that’s a freakin’ laugh, I mean, for someone who is frequently left, I should have gotten used to it by now, right? Only shows how stupid I am. I never really learn.
My week started with my dad and I having to go back to Asian Hospital to see his cardiologist again. I was a little pissed because we had to wait like two and a half hours before we were able to see the his doctor. Anyway, I guess it was okay because all the tests that were done on him turned out okay, except his cholesterol, which is a little high. But all in all, the tests revealed that everything was okay, and that kept my mind at ease. I just wish his freakin’ blood pressure, would stop shooting up every chance it got. But isn’t that suppose to be what his cardiologist is making sure of doesn’t happen? Bloody crap! I don’t even wanna comment about it anymore.
Can you just believe the freakin’ traffic? Man, everywhere you go, you’ll be very lucky not to get stuck in one. But that doesn’t beat the number of people going to malls these days. Ugh. Christmas rush. I wonder what the rush is all about.
Christmas, then New Year then few weeks after that, my birthday. (“,) Which reminds me, my freakin’ PRC license will be expiring. Bloody crap! It means I’ll have to go to PRC to renew it. Ugh! I hate going there! Not to mention, I don’t have a freakin’ idea on how to renew a license. And going about to ask, would freakin’ consume so much time, I’ll probably end up having to go again the next day. Ugh! I am dreading the inevitable day.
But that is inconsequential, considering that 10 days before my 2_th birthday, my dad would have to return home. Home now, being in Chicago where my mom and my two younger siblings are. I really try not to think about it much, basically because it saddens me, and well, I don’t really like that. As my dad always say, look on the positive side of things. So instead, I try and concentrate on the fact that at least this Christmas and on New Year, Chie and I will be able to spend it, if not with the whole family, at least with dad. That is something to be happy about, right?
Although, when daddy leaves, I am actually not sure when it is that I’ll see him again and my mom and my two siblings for that matter. 2 years? 3? 5? And when I finally get to see them again, would the time we spent apart manifest? I don’t even wanna think about it. I just have to say that sometimes, life is cruel.
And distance, is such a sad, sad, sad word.
But inspite of the separation, I know my parent loves Chie and me very, very much. I never really doubted that. And I can confidently say that, whatever happen, whatever might become of me, inspite of my imperfections and flaws, wrong choices, dire decisions, bad moods and shit like that, my dad, as I keep saying, is probably the only guy in this disappointing world, who would never ever turn his back and walk away from me. That is something, right? And when I really think about it, I am fortunate. So, how dare I complain about petty things?